Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Lies.... Why would you tell a lie

It hurts when you look into my eyes and lie, tell me things that are not as if they are! Hurts that you could do so.... *sobs* My friend was on phone with the love of her life and that was the question? The man in question “loves my friend or so he says but lies about every thing... I tried convincing my friend that am sure he had his reasons but the question that went through my mind is “ WHY DO PEOPLE TELL LIES?”
lies, the act of not telling the TRUTH abi what other definition can I say? When I was younger (not that am that old now oh) if you tell a lie, you would get the beating of your life cos its said that if you lie you would steal, cheat, kill and what other vices and they wont allow that.
How do you know someone is telling a lie?

  1. Look for micro-expressions. Micro-expressions are facial expressions that flash on a person's face for a fraction of a second and reveal the person's true emotion underneath their facade. Some people may be naturally sensitive to them, but almost anybody can easily train to be able to detect micro-expressions. Typically, in a person who is lying, his or her micro-expression will exhibit the emotion of distress, characterized by the eyebrows being drawn upwards towards the middle of the forehead, thus sometimes causing short lines to appear across the forehead skin.
  2. Notice the person's eye movements. You can usually tell if a person is remembering something or making something up based on eye movements. When people remember details, their eyes move to the right (your right). When people make something up, their eyes move to the left. People also tend to blink more rapidly ("eye flutter") as they're telling a lie. More common in men than in women, another tell of a lie can be rubbing the eyes.[1]
    • Watch the eyelids. These tend to close longer than the usual blink when a person sees or hears something he or she doesn't agree with.[2] However, this can be a very minute change, so you will need to know how the person blinks normally during a non-stressful situation for accurate comparison. If the hands or fingers also go to the eyes, this may be another indicator of trying to "block out" the truth.[2]
  1. Watch when the person nods. If the head is nodding or shaking in opposition to what is being said, this can be a tell. For example, a person might say that he or she did something, such as "I cleaned those pots thoroughly" while shaking the head, revealing the truth that the pots were wiped briefly but not scrubbed. Unless a person is trained well, this is an easy unconscious mistake to make and such a physical response is often the truthful one.[1][2] Also, a person may hesitate before nodding when giving an answer. A truthful person tends to nod in support of a statement or answer at the same time it is being given; when someone is trying to deceive, a delay may occur.[1]
  2. Check for sweating. People tend to sweat more when they lie.[4] Yet again, taken on its own, this is not always a reliable indication of lying. Some people may sweat a lot more just because of nervousness, shyness or a condition that causes the person to sweat more than normal. It's one indicator to be read along with a group of signs, such as trembling, blushing and difficulty in swallowing.
  3. Be aware of impulsive emotional responses. Timing and duration tends to be off when someone is lying. If you ask someone a question and he or she responds directly after the question, there is a chance that the person is lying. This can be because the liar has rehearsed the answer or is already thinking about the answer just to get it over with. Another tell can be omission of relevant time facts, such as saying "I went to work at 5am and when I got home at 5pm, he was dead"––in this glib example, what happened in between has been all too conveniently glided over.
  4. Pay close attention to the person's reaction to your questions. A liar will often feel uncomfortable and turn his or her head or body away, or even subconsciously, so as to put an object between the two of you. While an innocent person would go on the offensive (usually responding with anger, which will often be revealed in a micro-expression directly after you say you don't believe what he or she has said), a guilty person will often go immediately on the defensive (usually by saying something to reassure his or her facts, such as deflections). However, remember that defensiveness can be a sign of innocence too, as a person may be shocked or ashamed to be accused of any wrongdoing.
  • A truthful person will often respond with even more detailed explanations to expressions of disbelief in his or her story, while someone aiming to deceive won't be ready to reveal much else but keeps repeating what has already been established.[3]
  • Listen for a subtle delay in responses to questions. An honest answer comes quickly from memory. Lies require a quick mental review of what they have told others to avoid inconsistency and to make up new details as needed. Note that when people look up to remember things, it does not necessarily mean that they're lying––when concentration is required, this is a natural instinct.
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Be conscious of the person's usage of words. Verbal expression can give many clues as to whether a person is lying, such as:
  • Using/repeating your own exact words when answering a question
  • Stalling tactics, such as asking for a question to be repeated[2] Other stalling tactics include stating that the question asked is excellent, that the answer isn't so simple as yes or no, or confrontational style responses such as "It depends on what you mean by X" or "Where did you get this information?"[2]
  • Avoiding use of contractions, namely saying "I did not do it" instead of "I didn't do it"––this is an attempt to make it absolutely clear what the liar means[2]
  • Vocal pitch rising or straining; speaking in a monotonous tone, speaking with a jumpy tone, or allowing pitch to rise and fall unnaturally
  • Avoiding direct statements or answers (deflections)
  • Speaking excessively in an effort to convince
  • Leaving out pronouns (he, she, it, etc.)
  • Speaking in muddled sentences; liars often stop mid-sentence, restart and fail to finish sentences[3]
  • Using euphemisms to avoid giving voice to reality is commonplace[2]
  • Using humor and/or sarcasm to avoid the subject
  • Using statements such as "to be honest", "frankly", "to be perfectly truthful", "I was brought up to never lie", etc. can be a sign of deception[2]
  • Looking away only briefly when asked a difficult question––a person telling the truth will tend to look away for a time to concentrate[3]
  • A noticeable lack of negative elements in the discussion (except for cancelled plans or delays); honest people tend to refer to both negative and positive events in conversation[2]
  • Allowing silence to enter the conversation; this could follow saying simply "yes" or "no" and the silence indicates that the liar needs to buy time to fabricate an answer
  • Answering too quickly with a negative statement of a positive assertion, such as "Did you wash those pots lazily?" answered by "No, I did not wash those pots lazily", as an attempt to avoid the impression of a delayed answer[2]
  • Pausing at an unusual time, such as in the middle of a sentence.
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Notice when the person repeats sentences. If the suspect uses almost the exact same words over and over, then it's probably a lie. When a person makes up a lie, he or she often tries to remember a certain phrase or sentence that sounds convincing. When asked to explain the situation again, the liar will use the very same "convincing" sentence again.

Now everyone telling lies Should enable to stop cos their integrity is at stake I decided to run through ways by which a lier can stop telling lies:

Admit that you have a problem lying. This may sound bad to some people but if you think of it you should notice that if you can confront that you lie then you should be able to stop. When you can say that you lie to someone then you should be able to stop. To some this would be really hard; as for some it’s even harder. All you have to think of is that when you can talk about it then you start stopping yourself.

    • The one thing you have to really remember is that if you don’t confront your “bad behaviour” it will take longer for you to break the habit of lying. In other words, if you don’t when you feel guilty you would start to feel bad and would start being able to make yourself better by telling the truth. No, I’m not trying to say I want you to feel guilty, but I am saying you do need to feel bad or feel ashamed for what have done.
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    React to your own lies. If you don’t know how just read and you’ll find out how. Well, to react to your own lies means to confess and apologize when you know you lied. This will help you because you would be able to notice that you have told and are sorry for what you have done.
    • Also, when you react to your own lies it shows the person you told the lie to that you are sorry and that you know helping it makes that person feel like they have a chance.
    • Also, when you talk you can let your feelings come out and tell that other person how you feel about lying. Then when you do so they can help you deal with your problem.
    • If you communicate about your problem it also takes the urge off you. By that I mean, if you tell someone about your problem you then can think of a way to stop. Also, when you talk, that person could give you some tips on how to stop.
  • Use your sense of humor to tell the truth. Laugh at yourself with other people. Just saying "Could I be any worse at managing my checking account?" out loud, rather than denying your problem can get you on the road to recovery.
  • Guess what - the definition of being human is that we are not perfect. You will never be perfect! Don't set yourself up thinking you should be.
  • Come right out with your primary feeling. "Sam, I am so completely embarrassed by what I did. I'm hating myself. I told Kim you liked her, even though you told me not to. Would you forgive me?"
  • When you admit that you are a liar you are nearly there.
  • Often lying emerges as a result of a feeling of inadequacy, or a need to protect the truth from others and thus leave yourself less vulnerable. Learn to accept that truth is the right of all people; take a deep breath, think about the person to whom you are speaking and what they would say if they knew you were lying, open your mouth, and speak the truth. After you do this you will feel a release of guilt and relief.
  • Don't tell yourself you are telling the truth if you are lying. If you don't know a question that one of your friends or family members asks you say that you don't know instead of lying to yourself and to your friends and family to look cool. It will just come back and bite you in the butt!
  • If you lie a lot over everything, realize that you can't stop in one go. It's just like a drug, it's really hard to stop. You need to slow it down. Parents will tell you when you are about to lie you should stop and ask yourself, "Is this wrong?" Try asking yourself, "Is this a lie" really quickly. It takes time, but eventually you will stop if you really try. Also ask yourself how you would feel if people constantly lied to you.
  • You can't stop lying unless you want to, it's up to you.
  • Remember, it is way easier to just tell the truth than having to come up with a lie.
  • Ask your self why you lie, and try to resolve the problem.


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